I have two children… One (the oldest) is a boy and one who is a girl. They are ages 7 and 9. When they were little, my kids were best friends. They played together and even got upset when one was a way from another… today I missed those days…The days where my daughter was so sweet, my son so willing to please… now they act like a 16 year old and a 2 year old at times.

Today was like WWIII in our house today. J (my son) has ADHD, PTSD, and a mood disorder and sometimes his emotions and moods are unpredictable. Today was one of those days. Everything was just fine and dandy until daddy left for work..J decided that he no longer liked his sister and that he wanted nothing to do with her. Little Miss thought this was the perfect time to start bugging her brother. Pillows, books, remotes, toys, all were thrown and doors were locked. Oh By the way… that credit card trick you see on TV totally works to unlock a kids bedroom door. Anyways… After coming under fire I was able to talk to my son and calm him down. That is until dinner… who would have thought that not allowing someone to eat french toast in the living room would start the Banning of the ย French Toast protest of 2017. This ended with me eating J’s french toast while he made and ate a cheese quesadilla. After dinner J was great ๐Ÿ™‚ However there can never be peace for that long.. if you have kids you know that if one kid is being good, the other thinks its their turn to act up.

Little miss decided that she would get an attitude and start jumping off the steps, onto the couch, than onto the floor… Nothing was going to stop her.. and I mean nothing…. She was determent to ย do what she wanted and no form of discipline was going to stop her. After an hour you know what finally stopped her? Me making her laugh.

The day was not all bad.. we did have fun and in the end booth kids went to bed with out a fight and they both said they were sorry to me and each other. Now that the kids are asleep and my husband is at work I feel all alone. Today had its ups and downs like everyday but I love my family and tomorrow is another day.


I hate weekends

I know this is going to sound horrible… But I am starting to hate weekends… My kids are at the age where they hate each other and me. My daughter who is only 8 is either acting like she is 2 and throwing a screaming fit or like she is 16 and throwing attitude. My son on the other hand, has a mood disorder and ADHD… he gets upset and just shuts down… sometimes throws everything he can get his hands on. My husband works non stop as a GM at a pizza place so its just me and the kids…. I am a stay at home mom … I love being a stay at home mom but sometimes I just need a brake…. I need a day of no yelling, no back talk, no arguing, but sadly even when it is just me and my husband, there is still fighting… I love my family so much but I just need a brake… I know I can not be the only mom who feels this way. I can only take My kids yelling and telling me they hate me, so many times. I feel like a failure most of the times and weekends are the worst. All I want to do is crawl under the covers and not come out. I am over the fighting and over the drama…. I need to find a new pay to discipline and a way to get these kids to listen… I also need a drink…

I need a brake

OK i know that we all have hard days… when you have an ADHD child and a child on the spectrum, there are a lot of hard days… I try to be a good mom but feel as if I fail a lot. My husband works 50-60hrs a week and when hes home he is good at making the kids cry and then having me get them to stop. It is stressful… As you know I suffer from anxiety and depression… if any of you have these than you will know how horrible you feel. well the other night my husband was yelling at our daughter and told her that she was lazy, then he turned to me and said ” I wonder where she gets that”

I was so hurt. I do clean, do laundy, take care of the animails, take care of the kids, cook and help my mom out… I know that i could do better but I have no motivation…. He does not understand how hard it is for me to just do all of that. How hard it is to get myself out of bed in the mornings and try to put on a happy face when all I want to do is cry and lay in bed.


Ok I know everyone has has a day when everything goes wrong and all you want to do is go to bed and start over the next day… well that is how I have felt for almost a year. Even when the day is going so well it will end in yelling or tears or both. My anxiety has been so high… I cant stop thinking about finding a job, my kids needs, how they are acting, if im a good mom or not, my moms health, my father in laws health and what my husband thinks of me. I think that I just nee to get away for a few days… I know I have said that before… its just… Maybe if I was not around for a few days my husband and kids would like me more. I think I am going to try and figure out a way to do it ๐Ÿ™‚ I think my hubby can manage a couple days with out me… I was a single mom before and I was able to do it… I wonder where I can go and what I can do… we dont have a lot of money so I have to be frugal about this. well i guess im going to look up things I can do and somewhere to go ๐Ÿ™‚

Forever and a Day

It has been forever and a day that I have been on here. Life has been crazy to say the least. I am now going to a psychiatrist for my anxiety and depression… was put on new meds and found out I am also OCD… Who would have thought lol. ย 

My kids started their school year at their new school, so far so good, and I have had several interviews. So far no luck on a job… hoping to hear back from a job that I interviewed at today. Oh and I am learning sign language for the fun of it. My hubby has been working lots and with me not working it has been putting a lot of stress on him. I feel horrible about it but at the same time he does not understand what i go threw with my anxiety. I can not just suck it up or get over it… not that easy. So ya.. there has been tension in the home to say the least.ย 

I started selling Avon ๐Ÿ™‚ so if you are reading this blog please go buy something at my estore. ย . I do not have many customers… im not the door to door type of gal…. Im sure you guessed that all ready. Anyways… let me think… think think think… oh we went to the Worlds Fair yesterday ( small town street fair) and I was able to get Shaved Ice.. that stuff is amazing… I got Huckleberry flavor ๐Ÿ™‚ You know not too many people even know what Huckleberries taste like anymore… oh well, their loss.ย 

you know what? with everything that has been going on, I really just want a night alone with my hubby where we can have fun, cuddle on the couch, watch a movie and not go to bed early because the house is quiet… I just want to feel loved… I know this is taking a weird turn but I just do not understand how a husband can not be turned on by his wife if he says he loves her and that she is beautiful. how can a wife feel beautiful if her husband does not want to have sex with her? well he does just not often …. We celebrated our one year anniversary Aug. 20th and in that year we had sex 3 times…. thats not a lot… at all…. Maybe all my stress is because Lack of sex…. ย I dont know.. All I know is that it makes me feel like crap that he does not want to have fun with me. Ok im done with the sex talk…. Random question…. Did you know that when you are in space there is no days… they are called Sols. one sol is like a day and a half… If you havent you should read The Martian… its amazing… The movie is good… oh but the book… 100 times better. Ok I think that I have rambled enough… Good night ๐Ÿ™‚